how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Randomize
