It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
