i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
