FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
