im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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