Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we made out on top of his cat.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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