I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
