Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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