Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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