he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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