dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
