I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
