yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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