i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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