I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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