I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
