tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
