I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
