Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
