This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
