Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
