The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
