i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
this is an emotional support booty call
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
