i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
