I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
