I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
3 2 1 whiskey
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
