We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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