Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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