Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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