Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
When did angry sex become our thing?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
