ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
