New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
