1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
