My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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