Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You have to summon your inner elephant
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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