You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
