My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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