Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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