I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
