last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
