I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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