If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
operation harelip BJ is a go
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
