i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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