Having a random hookup so left but love u
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
