what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My cat gives me a boner
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
