she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
