Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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