On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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