I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
