Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
