I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
