these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
