Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
