Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
