So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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