i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
