Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
